Banned from zoo.
Again?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
