Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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