the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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