So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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