alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
