You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
