Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
