she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
