you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
