she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
