So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
