Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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