i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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