This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
