great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
