If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
