Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bring me that man meat
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
