I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
