I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
