Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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