What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
