so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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