how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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