I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
