Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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