why didn't you poke me back
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
