well you can't waste a boner
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
