i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If I die, sorry about rent.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
