I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
