U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
