hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
