Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
