think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
