I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
