We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
