Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
