lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
