sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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