Who wears a wallet chain?!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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