Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am spending my child support on dildos
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
