He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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