I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
