I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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