Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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