I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
