then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
