she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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