I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
