Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she peed on how many people?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
