Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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