I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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